24may09
I spent my weekend working, and it pass so fast without i knowing... Feeling so tired, working may me happy but sometime i am not. I feel tat my heart n de interest r no longer like before. I jus have de feeling tat i am not myself anymore. Anyway, i have walk so far, is it worth it to give up. I have a feeling of guilty. Family issue, so far still de same but i am not going to think bout it...de more i think, i still don noe wat to do. Studies, i am behind time... i need to do something bout it. My counsellor told me tat i need to manage my time well, do de right thing at de right time. She say tat it will be a difficult decision but it is bout my future, she ask me work n studies, which is important n i say studies. She wan to help me but de decision is still mine, she say tat weekend time r very precious. Sometimes i really have to lose before i could gain but i scare tat i will regret. Maybe in life,we cant be so greedy to get both at de same time... mus learn to let go, n it will only remain as memories. How long can i hang on??
On 21may, i went to RP... to participate on high element n i make it through, it is so scary n fun. On every stage, i face difficulties but it depend on myself to overcome de obstacles. I have to believe in myself tat i mus not make myself fall, i am scare to fall but if i fall i still need to pull myself up n continue to finish it, i feel like giving up half way but i tell myself tat i am already half way ther, abit more to go, i mus finish it. The feeling was wonderful when i complete every stages.
I am going to stop to grieve over the past, for it is gone, no more comparing with de past. I love myself in de past more then now but i cant go back. I have to keep moving... No matter wat going to happen i have to stay strong n face it.