07may09In life, sometime is all about accept, face de fact, all tis r fate. Can i fight for it? Can i get wat i wan? Can i change it? Today is already de 3th day i have not talk to my bro. On de 4th of may i had a quarrel wit my dad n bro. I finally realised tat i have been blaming de wrong person for so many yrs. I misunderstood n i thought tat he express his love by only giving us money but de truth is he wanted to be wit his own child n understand them but it is not a choice for him leaving us. He say tat he is tired.. he feel like a santa claus more than a father. I felt so guilty when i say all those nasty words to him. He have make a big sacrifice.. he wish to be wit us but he cant cos he need to find money to support us. I really hate it when my family problems r endless. As for me, if leaving is de best way, i willing to be de next one to sacrifice cos i am not my dad only child. It is not a choice.... maybe he is waiting or he need at least one of us to be there to support him n help him. So many yrs le.... he is tired le. Imagine giving up everything i have now n leave to a unfamiliar place. Can i be selfish n think for myself n not de whole family?? I think i cant do tat... After all no matter wat, they still my family. I might lose everything here n i don noe is it worth it. Jus hope tat i could help him n share some of his burden, out of 5, i think i am de best choice. Haix... jus hope tat miracles will happen before de time i have to say goodbye. I really don noe y am i doing all tis for them, tis is not wat i have to do but i jus cant bear seeing him suffering. He is a great dad n i really love him but cos of too many yrs of separation, our relationship r drifting apart. I am confuse now... wat shld i do??No matter wat will happen next... tracy will stay strong n face it. Maybe tis is jus my destiny n i have to accept all tis. Now i can only treasure watever i have now n in a few mths later... things will changed n it is time to say goodbye. After O-level, i will noe de answer le.. i noe it is still a few mths ahead but time fly n i will tried my best to find de best way out of it. Jus hope tat he still can stay strong... If he really collasped then i think de time is up. Dad jiayou, i will always be there for u. Hope tat miracles will appear.... n i don wish to say bye