26/4/09
This mth is coming to an end le... Why there r so many things to do.. time jus pass too fast tat i cant manage to get things done. Once i finished, there r still another.. it seem like things r always undone. Exams r round de corner.. so many to study. This week i didnt work but i really miss mac.. i will think how is everyone doing.. Really feel uncomfortable not going to work. Stay at home n study makes my grandma happy but i am not. It's already part of my life, going to work on weekend, mac is also a place where i find my happiness. I really love mac n de ppl, i once place mac n study at de same level. Both r important to me... No matter how many scolding i get from friends n family... i still insist on holding tight to this job. Maybe i am foolish but time really flies.. it's already 2yrs n 27days.
Life continues, no matter wat happened. I once told my friends tat i am always de last few in a marathon race but i still have to continue running n not give up. But there this someone.. he say i am wrong cos i might be de last few one but at least i am not de last. Keep on going n believe in urself, as long as i don give up, there still hope. Things changed, ppl changed. He is right, yes i once first before but in life there can nvr be first all de time. Whenever i think of my friends,teachers n families words... i will feel very very sad n will be like tap water.Haha... y i always said bout my studies... maybe i am too stress n cant think of ways to improve myself.
I wan to go for study break but sometime i jus don noe how to tell annie. I noe u all will not blame me for going for study break but i will blame myself, i wan to be a part of it, i wan to noe wat is going on, i really cant imagine wat will happen if i don think or go mac. I cant open my mouth to say it out cos i will feel guilty for not going to work cos we r a team.Someone once told me, when u get something, u will lose something,u cant have both at de same time. Mus i give up? I really hate being a tap water but it is hard to control myself... whenever i think of 'STUDIES' tis word...or de ppl around me who encourages me de words i will........
I really wish to be happy but i find myself being a tap water more than smiling. I think of grades n ways of studying...sometime it really make me mad. This year suppose to be my 16th happy year but i feel tat it is a horrible year, i hate it. I must not give up but it is very hard cos i have to struggle n hold onto it. I don noe how to help myself... feel very down. I wan to find de tracy i once was, de confident but maybe i jus fall too much. Haix.. don wish to think but is impossible. It takes time to recover..... Tracy u mus jiayou n continue to finish de race... u already half way there le. Suffer for a few mths n it is worth it. I noe it is redundant talking to myself.. Ytd is history, today is present, tmr is future. Things will sure get better de.. i end off wit a smile :)